I Met A Man.

I met a man who looked like another man.
He  had black spiky hair and arms that knew how to hold me.
His distant qualities and secretive sides were like a hexagon in space that I could never quite see clearly.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
Because princesses and their knights in shining armor were all I dreamed about.
Having that fantasy become reality would maybe make me a normal girl.
But normal girls don’t have bruises and cuts up and down their arms.
Normal girls don’t receive suicide threats and see the fire ignite the whole damn town in their lover’s eyes.
I was just not a normal girl.

And I ended up meeting another man.
He saved me and I saved him.
He was good to me.
And I fought for us.
I wanted to preserve our innocence, the innocence I had so frequently let slip through my uneducated fingers.
But he didn’t, he couldn’t know what love was yet.
And I let love sweep me away into a dark chasm of my mind.
I still had so much to learn.

I met a man.
He needed my help, my nurturing, my tutelage, my warm touch.
And I needed to be needed.
I let him use me for all I was worth, and in return, he created fantastical worlds of romance and sex and being an adult and being married and growing old together.
But I was not alone in these worlds with him.
I was not enough.
And in the end I realized I had to make a world from scratch.
I can make anything from scratch.

So I met another man.
He was a curious man with his quirks and oddities.
A gifted man with the soul of a boy.
And my inner child came out to play.
We laughed and talked and watched and played.
But my inner woman felt herself dying inside.
She was strong and passionate and voracious.
She wanted her voice to be heard.
And our love faded when she became silenced, when I let her become silenced.
You see, for we must have both to succeed in affairs of the heart.

So I met myself.
I found out she was inspiring, strong, emotional, loving, nurturing, creative, spiritual.
She was everything I hoped she would be.
The love she had sought out all those years was just being cultivated within, ready to grow.
She would roll with the punches and experience every facet of life with intensity and vigor.
She was who I wanted, who I needed to become.
And when she was ready,

She met a man.
And he makes her happy.

 

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